Nurturing Your Fondness and Admiration
We are going back to The Seven Principles for Making
Marriage Work! Last week we talked a
little bit about building a Love map in a relationship. This week, we are going to move on to John
Gottman’s step number two in solving struggling marriage relationships.
Gottman’s second step is called Nurturing your Fondness and
Admiration. Now hopefully it would be
safe to assume that married people are already fairly fond of each other. I am not married so it is a little hard to
say for sure, but I have heard from many sources that marriage isn’t always
cotton candy and butterflies. Marriage
is meant to stand the true test of time. But that is just it. There will be a
test!
I know how we all feel about tests! Just say the word and test anxiety starts
floating through the room. But the best way to prepare and ward off the test
anxiety is to find the joy in the journey.
I had a class last semester that I hated! I took it only to complete the required classes
for my degree. It was not my idea of a
good way to spend 3 hours of my week. I
decided I either needed to buckle down and enjoy it for fail because of my
absolute lack of desire. Over the course
of the semester I came to appreciate the subject and even managed to learn a
few things!
Take this into consideration with our marriages and
relationships. We might be at a point
where we are in a relationship only because we have to be. We forgot what we loved about each
other. It isn’t easy, but instead of
letting the relationship fail, we need to suck it up and look for the
good. Look for the things that make you
happy and then the down side will be easier to deal with. You will be able to pass the tests of every
day marriage relationships let alone the tests that come with time.
So lets take Gottman’s advice and look for the things we
appreciate! Say them out loud to each
other. Write them down! Review them often. Remember the good thinks and learn from the
bad! There is nothing to lose and I promise your relationships will be
strengthened.
Resources:
Gottman, John Mordechai., and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown, 1999. Print
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