Gottmann’s book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage
Work” continues to be an inspiration to me so I will focus on it again in this
post!
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| *** |
I am at the point of my life where I am really thinking
about marriage. It is more of a reality
to me now than it has ever been. The
scariest part for me is that there are so many marriage horror stories. Everyone says that marriage is hard and I
believe them. But I am not sure I know
how hard, and that is what worries me.
Last week I had a unique opportunity.
I was able to talk to my grandparents about the subject of
marriage. They will be married for 50
years this July! They were married in 1966 an have successfully raised 7
children. Their marriage is also an
inspiration to me. I was able to ask
them questions about their marriage and what the successes and struggles have
been. They gave me encouraging advice
about how to endure and enjoy the many years of marriage ahead of me. Their advice followed perfectly with
Gottmann’s advice on turning towards your spouse.
My grandma is the nicest lady in the world. I was a little surprised to hear that they
had some serious struggles in their marriage and that some days they were at
the very breaking point. But they never
gave up. I asked them what their secrets
were. My grandma said that every time
she was upset with my grandpa, she would go and do something for him. She would iron his shirts, fix a ripped pair
of levis, or cook his favorite meal. My grandpa rarely notices and only
sometimes commented, but these simple acts of kindness was my grandma turning
towards him.
*
Gottmann says turning towards a spouse is as easy as washing
dishes or going grocery shopping together.
We just need to focus on the little things that others need. It is basically just living a life of
kindness and selflessness. It isn’t easy
but it is possible. I know it is so
important especially in my life. I, for
example, hate doing dishes. I do it
because I love a clean house, and I love cooking. I mentioned this to my boyfriend and ever
since then he has made an effort to help.
He doesn’t do it all but he will do some. And that makes it bearable.
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| ** |
When people think of romance, they think of candle light
dinners and expensive Caribbean getaways.
That is simply not the truth.
True romance is taking the time to think and making the effort to turn
towards your partner. I have found that
even the littlest things can help me turn towards my boyfriend and really other
people in general. One example is just
putting away my phone. Talking to your
family is so much more important that staying up to date on the latest episode
of the Bachelor. Put down your phone and
I promise you will see people who want and maybe even need your attention.
This week is random acts of kindness week so it is a perfect
time to start making an effort. I know
you can do it! Good luck!
References:
*http://www.allteenstalk.com/quotes-about-marriage/
**http://quotesgram.com/quotes-and-sayings-happy-marriage/
***https://d23.com/the-wonderful-world-of-grandparents-disney-style/
****Gottman, John Mordechai., and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown, 1999. Print
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