PLAYING GAMES
I heard some very wise advice a while ago. My grandpa talked to me about
compromising. He said that despite
common belief, compromise does not have to be meeting at the point directly in
the middle of two opposite ends.
Compromising can change with every situation. Sometimes it is in the exact middle. But more
often than not, the final decision is swayed in favor of one party or the
other. We have to decide what we are
comfortable giving up. If we aren’t comfortable
moving at all, then maybe it is worth the argument. But we need to remember to
pick our battles. You cannot win them
all so be wise with which you choose.
Also be mindful of your spouse and his/her feelings. Sometimes it is worth a little discomfort so
that no one is upset. But this peacemaker tactic of compromise is often ruined due to someone's pride.
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The bad form of pride is dominating. It can even start as good pride. It can start as an appreciation and
confidence in something and quickly turn into an obsessed individual. Before long, a team goes from talented to
personally skilled through their hard work alone. God is forgotten in the equation and the
positive feelings of approval have become consuming. The bad pride is thinking that things work
out because YOU made it work out. It is
forgetting how fragile we are in the whole scheme of the word.
Marriages often struggle with pride. When a newly-wed couple says they love each
other and are done playing games, they mean games of flirting. They don’t often realize that games of pride
occur just as often if not more. Here are some examples of common pride games
in relationships.
• Ignore spouse, or give
spouse the "cold shoulder”
• Impatient with impatience • Caught up in who’s right and who’s wrong • Blaming, defensiveness • Attack, counterattack • Scorekeeping, with intentions of noting who is winning or losing • Refusal to apologize first • Holding the other hostage by refusing to forgive • Proving superiority by bringing up spouse’s faults • Holding grudges • The “silent treatment” |
• Sharing spouse’s
weaknesses with others
• Intentionally trying to create jealousies in spouse • Get others to create an alliance with you against your spouse • Putting words in spouse’s mouth to manipulate • Displaying an attitude of entitlement in the marriage • Stubbornness or unwillingness to change • Selfishness, thinking only of your needs • Unwillingness to learn from spouse • Fault finding • Withholding love and affection |
President Benson quoted C.S. Lewis in his talk “Beware of
Pride” (May 1989). He said, “Pride gets
no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the
next man…it is the comparison that makes you proud; the pleasure of being above
the rest.” He goes on to say that there
is no good pride because pride in general is making us forget the Lord. There are also scriptures coming from a book called the Book of Mormon. It is another testemant of Jesus Christ and it gives us teachings similar to the Bible. In 3 Nephi 14:2-3 (one of the section of the Book of Mormon) it states, " For what with judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" It just goes to show that prophets and learned men from all generations have seen the wickedness in seeing oneself as better than others.
I would encourage you to
research humility and pride. After you
realize that humility is good and it is not just thinking less of yourself, it will
motivate you to start cutting pride out of your life. Start with the examples above. Im sure that will give us all plenty to work
on!
Good luck!
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