Saturday, January 30, 2016

Marriage and the Media

Marriage
-give it 200%-

Today let’s take a step back and look for a minute at our media intake.  I thought about media a lot this week and am disappointed in some of my favorite shows and was surprised at the subliminal messages portrayed about marriage.

-Friends:  One of the most popular movies in the late 1990s.  Main character Ross is married and divorced 3 times in a little more than 2 years.

-Keeping up with the Kardashians: A famous family that nearly everyone knows is full of divorces and unstable family relationships.

-Married at First Sight: Literally a TV show dedicated to people whose first conversation is their wedding vows.

-Hannah Montana: Miley Cyrus lived with only her dad

-The Suite life of Zach and Cody: The boys lived with only their mom

The list could literally go on forever and that is not including movies, popular magazines, social media, and even literature.  I understand that many marriages are struggling and  how portraying characters with applicable home situations is a good way to get fans.  But what is happening to our society as we are constantly being surrounded with unstable and broken families being portrayed as ideal?

God’s divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.  Families can be together for eternity.  Imagine the change in our society if completed, stable families were the norm. If there were never such a thing as a ‘starter marriage,’ and once we promised to love each other through sickness and in health, it started to really mean something.  I believe our country would be more peaceful and our families would be stronger. 

*Elder Bruce C. Hafen taught in his talk Covenant Marriage that, ”Marriage by nature is a covenant (a promise between us and God), not a private contract one may cancel at will.” Marriages should not be seen as just another relationship meant to last only a short period of time and then terminated at the first sign of a storm.  Marriages should be given 200%.  Each person needs to give at least 100% in order for things to work out.  When days get rough, marriages get hard.  My good friend told me that her and her husband struggle sometimes and want to pull their hair out and just scream at each other.  What keeps them going is the love between them.  Sometimes you can’t hardly find anything good about each other but as long as you give all you can give, and love is still your goal, no situation is impossible

**President Joseph Fielding Smith promises us, ”Your able service does not go unnoticed by that God whom you serve and in whose work you are engaged. He has blessed you and he will continue to bless you with the good things of the earth, and he will hold in reserve for you the riches of eternity.”  I know that is a true statement.  The media can tell us what it wants, but true blessings come from living what we believe and serving God. is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will
Our faith and dedication to our marriages can be the start.  If we influence those around us and they see the good and make changes in their lives, they will begin to influence others.  Eventually the world will benefit through our actions.  Let’s start sending a better message to families everywhere by spreading stores of successful marriages!

 We will be the start of a stronger generation.

***




Resources:

*Covenant Marriage. Elder Bruce C Hafen. November Ensign 1966. https://app.box.com/embed/preview/09y4qxqfppbe8oz5uuje39utsdv566rt?theme=dark


**The Fulness of the Priesthood. President Joseph Fielding Smith. Conference Report April 1970. https://app.box.com/embed/preview/pfay7hm0e3hsxdtrz4r82lh3r63rt88c?theme=dark

***http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/5-things-your-marriage-needs-every-day/

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Marriage is More Than Paper

Marriage is more than just a piece of paper.  

           When two people are married, it can be argued that marriage is no more than a document. No more than signatures holding them together.  If marriage is only thought of as paper, so much is destined to go wrong. There has to be more than a paper and ink holding families together.  When the hard times come around, you need to be stuck pretty tight.  Paper tears and burns and is weak when it gets wet.  Signing a paper and saying you are married is like buying a leash and saying you have a dog.  You don’t have anything inside of it! 
           A good marriage and family goes well beneath the paper.  It takes two people that are willing to do anything in order to keep their family whole.  And actually, it takes more than two people.  God has to be a part of each marriage.  I would like to venture to say that it is beyond the capacity of a man and a woman to stay married in our day. There are so many forces fighting against marriage.  We need divine help to weather the storms of marriage. 
             The three becomes four and then five and maybe even more.  Babies come and are added into the equation. Everyone has to pull their own weight and be the glue that holds the family together through happy times and through times that are not nearly so happy.  I am just thankful that I have a loving family that is willing to forgive and work with each other through good times and bad times.


*

One of the negative forces I would like to talk a little bit about today is same-sex marriage. Now we all know this subject is a little touchy.  No one wants to offend but at the same time, no one really understands the other side of the argument. I'm here today to pose an often unheard side. I want to make a slight argument to why marriage between a man and a woman is so important and why some feel so adamant about it.
      - In the bible, God commands Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the Earth. The same commandment has been given to all of us. And that just can't naturally happen in same-sex marriages. Men and women are made to be together. And even though it is hard sometime, God makes up for what we lack as we follow his commandments
       -On a less religious note, according to North Dakota Law Review**, studies show that same-sex marriages have a higher divorce and infidelity rate than a normal marriage. When divorce happens, the surrounding community feels the impact. They pay for the divorce in taxes, medical bills, future delinquency in children. Marriage is not a personal matter. Marriage is a public matter. 
     -Also stated in the North Dakota Law Review**, more Sexually Transmitted Diseases are transmitted through same-sex relations. 
     -A home consisting of a man and a woman has been proven to be the most healthy for children to be raised in.

    There are many reasons to believe in traditional marriages and I don't want to list all of them. I hope that this short list has given you a desire to continue your research on this sensitive subject. Educate yourselves on both sides of every issue before you pick a side.  There is no evil in understanding each other. And we must agree to disagree and love each other in the process. My hope is just that we will educate ourselves. And uneducated debate will never get anywhere. 

Let's bridge the gap between two ideas. Love is key and marriage is more than a piece of paper. 

credits:
*http://www.hippoquotes.com/marriage-quotes-family
**http://poseidon01.ssrn.com/delivery.php?ID=893002127097024116067114064126006086117078019060066055110020094103024093069022103068013121004003017116060026097002069068104118116082071048061023016110089085123111003050062091115094003080028120003102124100067088121028102071112101114096096101105081026&EXT=pdf

Friday, January 15, 2016

EVER EVER AFTER




EVER EVER AFTER

We live in a time where divorce and marriage are words which are always used together.  It is the peanut butter and jelly of the modern day.  Marriage is something that should be one of the happiest events in a person’s life.  The day that two people decide to spend eternity together is an amazing day.  But even when a couple seems perfect, divorce stains the beauty of the day. 

My cousin and I attended a beautiful wedding of one of our mutual friends.  They were a young couple who had gotten pregnant and were therefore getting married so that the baby could grow up in a solid family situation.  After the ceremony, my cousin leaned over and whispered, “I give them 6 months, max.”  I went along with the conversation and agreed that the couple didn’t seem likely to make it to their next anniversary.  Now thinking back, I realize how sad the conversation was.  Even at the wedding, the ugly topic of divorce weaseled its way into the conversation.

Our society has slipped so swiftly down an awful path that we almost don’t realize what it is doing to our perception on relationships.  As I was reading The State of our Unions: Marriage in America 2012* I saw something that made me do a double take.  On page 88, it talked about how our chances of divorce are smaller than we think.  This information was new to me and made me stop and re read the graph.  It went on to talk about how if one was an educated, religiously affiliated, established person, the chances of getting a divorce were lowered nearly 50%!  And for most people, the chances of getting a divorce are actually well below the 50/50 mark.  Why is the negative side of the issue so much easier to see than the positive side?   Why do we lack the hope and faith in marriage?  Why do we forget how vital marriage is to society and to the development of children?



 I believe if we focus on the success rate rather than the failure rate of marriages, we will be able to salvage our rough marriages and our hope will also build others up to succeed in their marriage struggles as well. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. **We just have to wake up every morning and make the choice to be happy.  We can choose to hate our situation or we can choose to make the best of it.  Remember why you chose to marry your significant other and seek Gods help to make the best out of the situation you have.  And if everything goes well.  You can always have the happily ever after you have dreamed of.


***





*http://www.stateofourunions.org/2012/social_indicators.php#divorce
** https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng
*** http://www.meetthebestyou.com/25-amazing-quotes-about-love-well-never-get-tired-of/